The 'phone conversation had nothing at all to do with

parenting - but it made me think . . . "Hello, Eastbank Football Club. Can I help you?"

"Good morning, may I speak with the Assistant Coach,

please?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. He's still on vacation. "

"I see. Is anyone on the coaching staff there?"

"No, they're all away right now. The club's closed for

another week yet. I'm only the Groundsman. "

"Well, thanks anyway. And hey, why say you're only

the Groundsman? If it wasn't for you, there wouldn't be a

football club. They'd have nowhere to play!"

(Pause)

"Yeah, I'd never really thought of it like that.

(Laughter)

Thanks a lot, pal, you've made my day!"So often we do ourselves down, don't we? We devalue our own

contribution or service. "I'm only a shop assistant!" "I'm

only a . . . " (fill in the blank!) Sometimes we even hear

women say: "I'm just a housewife"!Confidence and self-esteem are often in short supply these

days. And nowhere more so than in PARENTING!Even those who are superbly confident in their work or

social situations, often teeter on the edge when it comes to

their parenting skills. Why?Is it something to do with the breakdown in old-fashioned

values and concepts of authority; the widening gulf between

kids and their parents; the dangers we as parents are so

acutely aware of, but which are casually dismissed by our

kids?Whatever the causes, there's a lot you can do to improve

things. Step 1

Dr Norman Vincent Peale, author of The Power Of Positive

Thinking, used to advise people to sit down and write

out a list of all their assets and abilities. But Dr Peale's next suggestion is crucial. Once the list of

assets and abilities has been written, he tells us to raise

the stakes. Simply BELIEVE that you are at the very

least 10% better than you think. It's now widely

acknowledged in modern psychology that you'll still be way

off the mark! So have faith. You're better than you think. Step 2

Do some study. You probably weren't taught parenting skills

at school or college, yet parenting is the most vital

contribution to society. There are lots of books,

courses, tapes, CDs and videos on parenting. No excuses!

Grab some and get busy. Knowledge and insight bring

confidence. Whatever stage you're at, you can improve

yourself. Step 3

Learn to temper your reaction in stressful parenting

situations. Easier said than done! But you can make a

conscious effort to stay calm and remind yourself of

Dr Peale's advice (You're more capable than you think you

are!), and you can put into practice what you've been

studying about family dynamics. Step 4

Develop yourself in some way. Yes, remember those piano

lessons you once took, or that art class you attended?

Interests like these are great stress relievers and they

build self-confidence - which is vital for parenting. If

you feel you're already confident in other matters, but

it's only in parenting you feel a lack, why not take up

some activity with your kids? Learning together brings you

together, and can be great fun!Step 5

Finally, resist any temptation to go it alone. Nature

intended us to be social creatures. Seek advice from

grandparents, relatives, friends. Overcome your pride.

Discuss your parenting challenges with others and draw on

the communal strength. And d'you know what? You'll find

you're not alone. Let's work on parenting together, as a

community. Confident parents raise confident kids. Take action now. If you do nothing, you can look forward to

more of the same: worry, tension, ill-feeling etc etc. Zap these negative trends once and for all. To give yourself

a real boost, check out my website. There you'll find lots

more to help you and your kids live life to the full. Why do some parents and children succeed, while others

fail?

Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and

teacher. His writing includes motivational books for both

parents and teenagers. If you want to develop your

parenting skills and encourage your kids to be all

they can be, visit his web pages,

http://www. frank-mcginty. com/peace-formula. html AND

http://www. frank-mcginty. com/for-parents. html

Author:
Frank McGinty